"You know you're living life to the fullest when the universe is simultaneously flipping you off and giving you the thumbs up."

Lauren Fleshman posted the quote above on May 29th on Facebook and man alive, it pretty much sums up the story of my running right now. The day after I got the amazing call from LUNA that I had been chosen for their new LUNA sponsored athletes program I went in for an MRI of my right fibula...site of an injury I sustained last fall when I twisted my ankle. Although the injury had been pesky, in the last 8 months I was able to run my second-fastest 8k time of my life, pace my amazing friend Ellen to a marathon PR and dash up Laurel Hill as the second fastest woman in the Tar Heel 10 and 4 mile races. And I had just put in almost 3 months of extremely solid training...training that really confirmed that I had stayed fit during the original injury layoff and that told me I was nearly ready to race again. I was feeling AWESOME. I went for a trail run the weekend before the call from Luna and, unfortunately, rolled that same ankle 4 times. "No biggie", I thought; but a few days later it was tender to the touch so (at the advice of my podiatrist) I scheduled an MRI. Never once did I think I was going to get a call from LUNA and never did I think that within 6 hours of getting the MRI I would be in a boot - for a month! My doctors could only tell me "Huh. I don't know what is wrong" and "You can either run through it...or be in the boot." Such a low for me right after one of the biggest highs of my running life. Yep, I can relate to Lauren Fleshman's quote.

This is how my legs normally look

and...this is the view right now.

But there is another quote that is important in this story: "Life is full of setbacks. Success is determined by how you handle the setbacks." This one hails from the source of many inspirational quotes - the bag that my Lululemon shorts came in - and it quite thoroughly describes my attitude when it comes to dealing with injury. I am fortunate that (contrary to the belief of my running friends in Durham) I very rarely get injured. That said, I do seem to have ridiculously bad timing with the injuries I do get. A femoral neck stress fracture 12 weeks before my first marathon in 1997. A broken metatarsal 7 and 1/2 weeks before the New York City Marathon in 2008. Deal breakers, right? Well, not so much. I ran 3:24 at L.A. and 3:37 at New York. "How?!?!?!" you may ask? Well, to put it simply, I owned my setbacks instead of letting them own me. Easy, right? Okay, okay, it really isn't that easy. My husband, son, training partners, friends and parents will all tell you that I do plenty of complaining when I am injured. I get frustrated and demoralized at times. And I will tell you that "owning the setbacks" is time-consuming, logisitically a pain in the rear and generally boring. Really, really boring. It involves wearing the boot (or being on crutches or whatever ridiculous treatment is prescribed), spending quality time with the elliptical machine at the gym, driving to the pool, swimming or aquajogging for HOURS, driving home from the pool, doing strength work, using my bone stimulator, doing rehab, taking supplements and being patient. None of which is remotely close to being as much fun as running. But....it is all the most direct route back to running injury free, back to being able to do what makes me so happy, back to achieving the goal I had set out long before injury derailed me. With that in mind I have approached my injuries with the same routine each time: 1. get mad, first at the injury and then at myself for getting injured. 2. have a pity party (this step may get repeated a number of times during the course of the injury). 3. come up with a plan to get me from the date of injury to the date of my goal and get the okay from my doctor to forge ahead with that plan. 4. put my head down and execute said plan.

That little 4 step plan has looked different with each injury, but every time, in its simple way it has served me well. When I fractured my femoral neck in 1997 my recovery included 8 weeks on crutches with daily 90 minute swims with a pull-buoy between my legs to keep me from kicking. Those swims were mind-numbing. All I thought about was the number between 1 and 10 that I was currently counting for a given lap. I would do up to 200 laps each day, so there was a lot of counting from 1 to 10! But those swims kept my aerobic capacity up and my core and back strong. Four weeks before the marathon I got off the crutches...and kept swimming. Two weeks before the race I went for a slow and tentative 1 mile run. The day before the marathon I rounded out my 20 miles total of training with a 5 mile run. And on race morning I toed the line with NO clue of what it felt like to run longer than 13 miles and no idea if I would finish. Three hours, twenty four minutes and three seconds later I finished feeling exhilerated. I was so proud of myself for having run a marathon! But I was, perhaps, even more proud that I had gotten myself there, fully healed. I had succeeded at completely defying logic and I LOVED that.

When I fractured my foot less than 2 months before New York I was MAD. I had been irresponsible with my orthotics and a change in gait had led to the break. But when my doctor told me I was facing 6 weeks in the boot I immediately started developing a plan that just might get me to the finish line. This time I was able to use both my legs...but still in the pool. So for 6 weeks I translated every single one of my runs into time and aquajogged them. Speed workout in the pool? Check. Tempo run in the pool? Yup. Two hours and 45 minutes of "long run" to replace my 22 miler in the pool?  I got it done (thanks entirely to my amazing training partner Stacy who came and sat on the pool deck and entertained me!). And once again I toed the line of the NYC marathon with a bunch of uncertainty and ended up finishing with an intact foot and an amazing sense of accomplishment for having just gotten there.

Now, don't think that I run ALL my marathons off of an injury. Not even close! But I will tell you that as far as marathons I have run on my own (not pacing friends) I am far and away most proud of those two marathons. I didn't let the situation get the best of me either time and both times I succeeded. The times weren't blazing...the New York City time was at least 20 minutes slower than I would have liked. But I was there. Whole. With a smile on my face. I put everything into the preparation and I came out 100% successful.

A little stim to help the tendons

And so here I am again. This injury has not taken nearly as neat and tidy a course as those previous ones. It has dragged on, gone away, come back. But, and I don't mean to be trite, life is complicated. I have had a lot of other stuff take priority over my orthopedic medical care in the past few months, and consequently I didn't get very good medical care for this injury. I never had a concrete plan for recovery and rehab and I paid the price with the reinjury. Consequently this injury has been, by far, the most frustrating one I have ever dealt with. I have not only been frustrated by its presence but stressed out at the thought of disappointing LUNA, who has put faith in me to represent their awesome brand. And while I do both sport the LUNA logo on my training shirts at the gym and on the way to and from the pool daily and continue to consume copious quantities of LUNA bars before my twice daily workouts, I am not quite sure this is what they had in mind when they signed up a road runner. But after I sat with all of my concerns and frustrations for a few days I went back to that second quote above and decided that what was really important wasn't that I had gotten injured (all athletes do at some point) but how I handled the situation. So I picked myself up, dusted myself off and got to work. I am now almost 4 weeks through wearing this silly boot and I have an appointment with an amazing ortho in 5 days. In the last month I have logged into my training journal hours and hours (and hours and hours) of diligent cross training. I have aquajogged (this time thankfully with the intrepid companionship of my dear friends Edie and Alice). I have rediscovered swimming. I have caught up on HGTV while toiling away on the elliptical. I have continued to remain dedicated to the goal I made back in November to use this injury as an opportunity to dramatically strengthen my core and hips.

But...it has been hard. I have, at times, felt demoralized and a little despondent. Aside from the time I spent pregnant with my son I have never spent this much time unable to train at 100%. Last Monday I found myself thinking about that layoff and I was pretty frustrated. But then...2 things happened later that day. First, I realized that in the 18 months after my son was born and I got back to training I ran a red-hot streak of HUGE PR's. Hmmmm, that isn't a bad consequence of some downtime. And second, I watched Lauren Fleshman dust off her game face after 8 months of injury-induced swimming and elliptical use and toe the line at the Olympic Trials. When she proceeded to run her way into the Finals of the 5,000 meters on guts, raw talent, cross-training fitness and a ton of heart I KNEW I was going to be okay. Lauren didn't win her race, she didn't end up making the Olympic Team...but by some very important standards she was the most successful woman in the race. She personified courage, resolve, blatant enthusiasm and love for her sport and pretty amazing fitness for a girl who has barely been running for months on end.

I realized that day that while it may not be pretty for a while and I may need to practice my patience more than I would like, I am going to be back. And maybe even better than I was before.

One last quote, from legendary basketball coach John Wooden: "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." I never thought this would be how things would be turning out for me this year but, at the end of the day, I have no complaints. 

photo courtesy of my 6 year old just after I
got the boot fitted. Still smiling!

Where it all began...

Welcome to my new running blog! I know, I know, I have two other barely used blogs out there on the Internet, so why on earth do I need a third one? Easy...those blogs are littered with recipes and vacation to India...and while there is nothing wrong with that, those are distractions from what I really want to be talking to you about: running! You know, the pastime that occupies a large portion of my brain and closet space. The free therapy that keeps me sane and helps me be the best wife, mother and friend I can be. On this blog I will write about the parts of running that make me tick...the training, the races and, perhaps best of all, the experiences I have running with my friends in their training and racing.

 Because this is my first post, I thought I would give a little retrospective on my training, racing and pacing. Lucky for you I am not planning to give you a blow by blow of the last 20 years of my running. I will spare you that and just stick to the highlights. How about we go with a Top 10?

1. The beginning of my running...I started running because I was told I never could. Well, first I listened to all the people who told me I couldn't run for a very long time. But then I came across a great doctor who told me that if I worked hard AND smart enough AND practiced patience I could correct my long term knee pain enough to run the mile and a half to my college boathouse. After a year of rehab I nailed that first run and never looked back. Unfortunately it took me a long time to learn to apply the general principle of "work hard, work smart and be patient" to my running, but I am both forever grateful for that one orthopedist who bucked the conventional wisdom and for the principle I have been able to apply to my training as of late.

2. My first marathon...Los Angeles 1997. To say that this was a pretty auspicious beginning to my marathoning career is an understatement. I ran with Team in Training (an organization that I later had the opportunity to work for) and I had a great experience with my racing and fundraising...until I broke my femoral neck 12 weeks before the race. Yep, right after my 12 miler I ended up on crutches. I was down, but not out. Determined not to miss out on my opportunity to follow through on my promise to the little girl I was paired with who was in treatment for leukemia, I taught myself to swim and slogged through 8 long weeks of 90 minute swims. I ran 20 miles (total, not at once) in the 2 weeks before the marathon, hit my fundraising goal and pulled off a 3:24. I was hooked.

 The most unfashionable
shorts ever! But it was 1998...

3. Boston 1998...what NOT to do. This is the race where I learned that a) there is a time and a place for racing and b) I am not invincible. I went into this race over-trained, injured and with an abundance of enthusiasm. Sadly, I was too stubborn to alter my race plan to accommodate the situation. This race turned into a cautionary tale for how NOT to run a marathon. Long story short I ended up with some crazy rhabdomyolysis and a week long stint at Brigham and Women's hospital. On the upside I learned some good lessons and I ended up marrying my training partner. So I guess I also learned to always find the silver lining. 

pre-ironman sunscreen

exiting the swim, finally!

4. The big lull...for a bunch of years after Boston I was pretty unmoored as regarded my running. This was ultimately really good for me. I dabbled in triathlon and ultimately finished Ironman Canada in 2001. This was significant for three reasons: first, I managed to complete an irrationally long endurance event by training in a completely rational manner, second, I was able to be present as my friend Louis Bonpua finished Ironman in under 17 hours, while in treatment for leukemia. Louie taught me a lessons I will never forget about the power of both friendship and heart. He had more determination than anyone I have ever met and watching him will himself to the finish line in 16:56 was a seminal moment in my life. And third? Third, I learned that while I am capable of swimming distance (sort of quickly) and riding distance (slowly) I really just love to run. 

5. Excelsior and the PAUSATF 2003-2006...This is where I learned how to race. The PA is chock-a-block full of super fast women in "recreational" road racing and cross country. As a runner who hadn't competed in high school or college I was totally in over my head at the beginning racing against these speedy, experienced women, but I had some amazing teammates on Excelsior (Jenny Wong! Bean Wrenn!) who helped me along and kept me from getting discouraged. I learned to train properly, to rest, to race. And I was rewarded with a bunch of PR's, which was amazing...BUT....ultimately I also found that focusing on just racing fast left me feeling a little empty and burnt out.

Davis Mile with Jenny Wong!

Zippy 5k

Presidio XC

6. Stacy. In July of 2006 I had a darling 9 month old baby boy and my running was getting back on track post-partum. Then everything changed when one of my dearest friends in the world died in a cycling accident. It was devastating to lose Pat, but in losing him I gained an amazing friendship with his girlfriend Stacy. At her request we started on a mission to qualify her for Boston...a task that Pat had planned to undertake with her. She and I ran side by side for hundreds upon hundreds of miles and over the course of the next year we grieved our loss, built a wonderful friendship, and both qualified for and completed Boston. I gained so much from this experience - I took so much comfort in those runs and was so grateful for the opportunity to be able to run alongside Stacy as she achieved her long-held goal of finishing Boston while simultaneously celebrating Pat's memory. Those years were some of the most meaningful times in my 20 years of running and they cemented my enthusiasm for balancing achievement of my running goals with sharing my love of the sport with other women while helping them achieve their goals.

After finishing NYC, 2008 

Post-Boston, 2007

7. North Face Enduance Challenge, 2008. I entered this race on a lark (well, at the coercion of Jenny Wong...see #5). I wasn't a trail runner, but Stacy and I messed around on the local fire trails in a weak approximation at preparation. I went into this race with zero expectations but a general plan to simply run my own race. What I ended up with was a massive surprise and one of the most thrilling racing days of my life. You can read the race report here (Sadly...or maybe fortunately, I really have no photos from this one!)

Hanging out with my FoMo
peeps and Mr. Pickle

Davis Stampede 2011

8. Davis Stampede, 2011. By now I knew that I loved pacing my girlfriends (and sometimes, when I am lucky, my dad) but I rarely had the opportunity to BE paced by anyone, mostly because I just didn't ask. But in November of 2010 the amazing folks on the Forward Motion Racing Team welcomed me into their supportive and enthusiastic fold and I instantly knew I had found my people. On the day of this race not one but 3 of my teammates offered to simply run my race pace with me for as long as they could each manage (and then finish the race on their own). It was such an incredible experience to run with these guys and I was so, so grateful for their work. When all was said and done I had super-entertaining company for 9 miles and ended up with a PR and a win that I wasn't expecting. This race and the 8 glorious months I spent with this group really rekindled my enthusiasm for the sport of running at a time when I was feeling stale and unmotivated. And better still they showed me the importance of cultivating a strong and supportive (as well as totally irreverent) running community.

Cruising along with Ellen
en route to her first BQ!

Carter and me after her first 10k!

9. Janna, Carter and Ellen. I am lucky enough to have had the opportunity to run with all of these women over the course of the past year. I coaxed and cajoled (well, okay, tricked) Janna into running longer than she had thought possible or reasonable, and was rewarded with some invaluable time with a dear friend at a time when I really needed it. On top of that, I was privileged to watch her transform into a truly badass runner who went from running 4 miles at a pop to qualifying for Boston in her first-ever marathon within the span of little more than a year. Carter welcomed me to my new hometown with dark, early morning runs which are the cornerstone of my sanity. We have known one another for 23 years and will mark the 24th year of our friendship (and our 40th birthdays) by running her first half-marathon this winter. I feel so fortunate that she has entrusted me with her training and I am having an amazing time witnessing her discovery of the speed and strength she previously didn't know she had. And talk about a privilege...Ellen trusted me to wear her garmin and set the pace on her latest attempt to make her Boston-qualifying dreams come true. She worked hard and we had a ridiculously good time en route to her whopping 11 minute PR. I cannot imagine any place on earth I would have rather been that day than running next to her! I still love running fast and racing for my own times, but spending time over the years running alongside Stacy, Janna, Carter and Ellen has given me so much joy. I feel truly fortunate to be able to balance my own training with the time I spend witnessing their developing love for the sport. I also am eternally grateful to have friends who run at all different levels; their personal reasons for running all help me to maintain perspective in my own training. 

10. LUNA, 2012. Another amazing chapter in my running began a few weeks ago when I learned that for the first time in 20 years of running I was going to be sponsored. And not just by anyone but by LUNA, a company who shares my passion for supporting female athletes of all levels. I applied for this sponsorship knowing so little about it, but the details really were not my motivation. Instead, after years of hearing my childhood best friend Carrie talk about her participation on the Seattle Luna Chix Triathlon Team, I simply knew that I wanted to jump at the chance to a part of this company's "family" as well. I am so humbled for the opportunity and I am really looking forward to spending my time as a LUNA athlete both continuing to develop myself as a runner and fostering my love for encouraging my running friends. So there you have it. Thanks for sticking around through that...now that you are caught up I promise...no more retrospectives! We have a summer of training and a fall and winter of racing and pacing to get to!